As-salamu alaikum,
In tonight’s video (https://youtu.be/qEpJudeouW4), I told you about the high school junior whose friends were pulling him away from Islam.
What I didn't tell you is: I’ve been that kid.
When I was in high school, I had a group of friends I’d known for years. We were inseparable. We used to play stickball—like baseball, but with a narrow stick and a tennis ball—and we all learned lacrosse together, a huge sport on the east coast which is growing in popularity all over the country now.
But somewhere around sophomore year, things changed.
They started drinking. Partying. And I started making excuses to stay close to them.
“I’ll just go to the party to hang out with them, but not drink.” “I’ll just hang out, but look down when they watch haram things.” “I can handle this. I’m strong enough.”
I wasn’t.
At the time, I wasn’t very good with praying on time, and it just made it harder. I was delaying more, missing more prayers.
I was still “Muslim”—but I could feel the iman slipping away. And I wasn’t proud of myself. No matter how much I tried to validate, I knew deep down that this was a bad road, a dangerous road that I was taking and that it might swallow me whole.
Unfortunately, as I told you in the video, the moment I knew I had to walk away came a little too late when I got cited by the police and now had a juvenile criminal record. But, out of the mercy of Allah, I ended up doing a lot of my community service at the local Catholic Church where I had many hours of heart-to-hearts with the priest there. Of course, he wanted me to leave Islam, but he was a polite and extremely kind man, and because I wanted to be able to answer him, it was one of the motivators for me to start studying Islam more seriously.
The Moment I Walked Away—And What Happened After
I remember the exact moment.
Sadly, I still hung out with my troublesome friends even after the incident in the parking lot, but it started me asking questions about who I wanted to be. Things only got harder after that, and I started to think to myself, “I don’t want to be like these people. I can do better.”
So, at first, I just wanted to escape. I asked my Dad if I could go to college in Florida and escape the Maryland winters, and he said, “No way.” But, I knew I needed to get away, just like the Companions of the Cave. I had gotten athletic scholarships for lacrosse at a few colleges in the region, in Pennsylvania and Maryland, but my parents insisted that I stay close.
From Allah’s mercy, my dad actually got a job transfer to Orlando 6 weeks before I was supposed to start my freshman year at the University of Maryland. So, me and him drove down to Florida and got an apartment across the street from the University of Central Florida and I registered for classes literally less than 30 days before the start of the fall semester.
I left. Walked out. Didn’t explain anything to my old friend group. They all stayed in the same area, and they are still there now. When I see their lives now, it all seems surreal. I could have gotten stuck there in that life, and I would have been miserable for the rest of my life, because remember:
مَنْ عَمِلَ صَـٰلِحًۭا مِّن ذَكَرٍ أَوْ أُنثَىٰ وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٌۭ فَلَنُحْيِيَنَّهُۥ حَيَوٰةًۭ طَيِّبَةًۭ ۖ وَلَنَجْزِيَنَّهُمْ أَجْرَهُم بِأَحْسَنِ مَا كَانُوا۟ يَعْمَلُونَ
“Whoever does good, whether male or female, and is a believer, We will surely bless them with a good life, and We will certainly reward them according to the best of their deeds [in the Hereafter].” [16:97]
Choosing Allah means choosing a life where you will be happy. You will live with a clean conscious and find satisfaction where others cannot. Consider how much of the mental illness we see today is a direct result of people trying to live lives that they know are wrong, repeatedly making decisions that their hearts reject, until their hearts become black and they live a superficial existence. Such people can find neither gratitude or peace, and hence, they have to drown out their feelings with alcohol or smoke them away with drugs.
Alhamdulillah, after I left, I started praying regularly. I made the choice to start surrounding myself with people who were actually trying to be better Muslims.
And slowly, Allah replaced what I’d lost with something so much better. Really, infinitely better. The brothers I have been blessed with today, I can’t even begin to tell you how wonderful they are and how much peace and comfort they bring into my life. Alhamdulillah.
Walking away saved my life. Literally.
The Deeper Lesson:
Why “Just Say No” Doesn’t Work
Here’s what most people don’t understand about toxic friendships:
You can’t just “be strong” and stay in a bad environment.
It’s not really about willpower. It’s so much more about environment.
The Prophet ﷺ understood this. That’s why he commanded Muslims to make hijrah—to physically leave Mecca when it became too toxic.
He didn't say, “Just be strong and stay.”
He essentially said leave. Protect your faith. Your environment matters more than your willpower.
The same applies to friendships.
If your friends are actively pulling you away from Allah, you have two choices:
1. Leave
2. Eventually become like them
There is really no third option. Trust me on this. I’ve been watching this for years in people, not to mention the people that I see through medicine.
You might think, “I’ll stay and change them.”
That almost never works. Because influence flows from the majority to the minority, not the other way around. It’s like trying to save a drowning person while you’re also drowning. You want to save them—get to a better place in your life and invite them into your new circle. Like finding a raft and go back and save the drowning person from a place of safety.
If you’re one Muslim in a group of five non-practicing friends, you’re not changing them. They’re changing you.
Another hadith:
You might have wondered at some point why the Prophet ﷺ emphasized the community (jama’ah) so much. Consider the following hadith:
Ibn ‘Umar narrates that his father, ‘Umar, once delivered a khutbah to us at al-Jabiyah. He said, “O people! Truly, I stand among you as the Messenger of Allah ﷺ stood among us, and he said, “I order you to stick to my Companions, then those who come after them, then those who come after them. Then lying will spread until a man will take an oath when no oath was sought from him, and a witness will testify when his testimony was not sought. Behold! A man is not alone with a woman, except that the third of them is Shaytan. Stick close to the jama'ah, beware of separation, for indeed Shaytan is with one, and he is further away from two. Whoever wants the best place in Paradise, then let him stick to the jama'ah. Whoever rejoices with his good deeds and grieves over his evil deeds, then that is the believer among you.” (Tirmidhi—sahih)
The early Muslims, they didn’t isolate. They didn’t try to be lone wolves. They formed a jama'ah—a community of believers who held each other up. The same wisdom holds true today.
That’s the secret: You don’t just walk away from bad friends. You walk toward good ones.
The Practical Tool (Email-Exclusive):
TONIGHT’S JOURNALING PROMPT:
Part 1: The Honest Assessment
Write down the names of your 5 closest friends. For each one, honestly answer:
Am I a better Muslim when I’m with them, or worse?
Do I pray more or less when I’m around them?
Do I feel closer to Allah or further away?
Would I be proud to have the Prophet ﷺ see how I act around them?
Where do I feel these people are going in life? Would I want to go in that direction too?
Part 2: The Hard Decision
If you identified a toxic friendship, answer:
What is this friendship costing me spiritually?
What is it costing me emotionally?
What’s the worst that could happen if I walk away?
What’s the worst that could happen if I stay?
Part 3: The Action Plan
If you need to walk away:
When will you do it? (Don’t say “someday”—pick a date, the sooner, the better)
How will you do it? (Gradually distance, direct conversation, clean break?)
Who will support you through it? (Parents, imam, mentor, other friends?)
Where will you find better friends? (Masjid, MSA, youth group, online community like shuksi?)
The Resource List (Email-Exclusive):
IF YOU WANT TO GO EVEN DEEPER:
📖 Read: Surat al-Kahf (Chapter 18) - The full story of the Companions of the Cave
🎧 Listen: “Choosing Good Company” by Sh. Sajid (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=63i2Y-EbO6s)
🧠 Reflect: Why do you think Allah put the story of Ashab al-Kahf in the Quran? What does that tell you about how important this issue is?
📝 Advanced: Research the concept of hijrah in Islam. Notice it’s not just about geography—it’s about leaving toxic environments for the sake of your deen. It begins with abandoning sin, and extends all the way to moving to a different city or country.
The Personal Sign-Off:
Tomorrow insha Allah: “Crushes, Attraction, and Halal Feelings.”
We’re talking about the topic nobody wants to talk about, but everyone is thinking about—how to navigate attraction without compromising your boundaries.
Until then: You’re not betraying your friends by choosing Allah. You’re saving yourself.
Dr. Ali
P.S. - Hit reply and tell me: Have you ever walked away from a toxic friendship? What happened after?
I ask because your story might be exactly what someone else needs to hear to give them the courage to walk away too, though I won’t share with others unless you give permission, and even then, I would never give your name or details. Any story I ever share, I change the names and details to protect the real people in the story.